Normalcy

Location: My room
Listening to: N/A
Watching: Juno
Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Part 6 of 6 in week 2 of 11

I'm freaking out a little about this exam. Hopefully I'll be able to focus this weekend and get lots of work done. The Yankees and Jack's Mannequin have taken over my life. Now I'm ready to kick math's ass.

This past week I realized I'm ready for a move to NYC. I was always afraid of it being too big. Then I ran into a good friend in Times Square and then ran into the same girl twice in 2 weeks. It's not as big as it seems. I also was walking around New Brunswick and realized it's time I leave Middlesex County. I know that a lot of people become big fish in little ponds. I am a big fish in the little pond that is East Coast Title, but as far as Woodbridge goes I feel like a tiny fish in a little pond. People tell me to become a bigger fish, but after hanging out in NYC and feeling completely comfortable and completely awesome for being me I am ready to find a new pond.

The best part of these past 2 weeks. I got to meet my hero Andrew McMahon twice and I realized he's still a hero, but after being completely in awe of him I realized I was being a groupie. Last night I saw Andrew's "Dear Jack" documentary and during the Q&A I realized how many people have cancer or other illness or other terrible life changing situations. It's about 100% of people. I need to live life. I was just excited to hang out with awesome people at a bar in the city. I felt 100% normal and had such a fun time that I didn't even notice they were guys in one of my favorite bands. It was really awesome to see Andrew hanging out and being normal.

At first I was very nervous. I met Jon, the bass player, and his friends and was a little in awe that I was hanging out with him and having a normal conversation. We were talking about vinyl vs. cassette vs. cd vs. mp3 vs. streaming. It was like we were friends for years. It was really a shock to see successful musicians actually being awesome people and not assholes. I was so nervous in fact that I was rambling on and on to this poor girl that I had met at a show a few days before. We walked for about 20-25 blocks to get to the bar from the movie theatre. The band made me get rid of this girl that was trying to get into the bar with us and I felt horrible because I was having a really awesome conversation with a girl that I don't even know. Luckily I got her number so I could apologize for not being able to get her into the bar. They say don't ever say sorry because it shows weakness, but I truly was sorry.

I was having such a good time just walking and talking with her that it was sad to see the conversation come to an end. I have a feeling I was more excited to be with her and she was just excited to get to drink a beer with Andrew. I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend. It could also be that she's a social worker and can sense I'm a little off and wanted to learn more, but more likely it was her being as nervous and excited as I was to hang out with the band. She was probably more nervous and anxious than I was actually.

So after I thought I was now black listed I apologized to Jon and his friends about a million times and of course bought the first round of drinks hoping they would like me. Turns out they were totally cool and I didn't even have to do that. They gave me a hard time for bringing "a groupie" along. Rookie mistake. I guess she was a groupie, but a really awesome groupie. I insist that she's just a really awesome fan. Then later everyone apologized for making me ditch the girl. It was such a fun night. Never in my wildest dreams did I think a rockstar would be so cool and so normal. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be at a bar engaged in conversation and laughing and having a great time with the people in that room. I got invited to an exclusive night club that had an $80 cover. I couldn't go because stupid NJ Transit stops at 1:18 and I would have gotten stuck in the city.

I also have a greater appreciation for how hard people work in the music industry. People in that bar were having fun, but still discussing business or trying to make connections. It was awesome for me to be able to say I don't work in the industry and just enjoy the night. Special thanks to Adam Zengel for always working and trying to better the industry and for meeting Ryan at Rutgers who made this whole awesome experience happen. I also have a new found hope that me being me is more than good enough. I don't need to try to pretend to be someone I'm not and my geeky side and my musical side and my sports loving side and my naive side and my hopeless romantic side and my awkward side and my humorous side make me me and if that's not good enough for people then they can go f*** themselves.

I can honestly say these past 2 weeks have been unbelievably awesome for me and I feel like my head is finally on straight for the first time in my life. I also cherish normalcy and I've felt so normal the past few weeks. Being happy is an addiction. I don't think I've been this happy in so long that I've forgotten what it feels like.

In "Dear Jack" Andrew talks about wanting someone to give him a roadmap on how to fight cancer. It obviously was one of very few weak moments he had when fighting leukemia. I think part of my problem is I've been waiting for someone to hand me a roadmap to life. I don't regret anything I've done, but I think that just living life is the way to go. I think I'm ready for that now.

Ok time to finish Juno and then get some rest so I can hit the books in the morning.