Girls

Location: Home
Watching: "Girls"
Reading: Ender's Game by O.Scott Card Study
Progress: Cisco ICND1 Module 1 Lesson 5
Video Game: Mass Effect 1

I've been feeling very lonely recently.  It really sucks liking someone who doesn't like you back.  I just have to stick to my plan of getting healthy, getting better at my job, and saving up to buy a house. 

"She's like a carnival game, you know.  It all seems so simple and then you can't get the ring on the bottle because it's f****** rigged. so you try and try and try until you drive yourself nuts and then finally when you walk away you realize you didn't even want the crappy prize to begin with."
- Adam Sackler

Goals

Location: Woodbridge Public Library
Listening to: People and Things by Andrew McMahon
Reading: Ender's Game by O.Scott Card Study
Progress: Cisco ICND1 Module 1 Lesson 5
Video Game: Mass Effect 1

I'm back. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, but it's very therapeutic to get my thoughts and feelings out. So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm really proud of myself for finally waking up early. Not as early as I'd like, but at least I didn't stay in bed until mid-afternoon. I've slowly been trying to go to bed earlier each night so I could wake up at 6am to start working out before work. I started keeping a health journal a few weeks ago so I can easily track things like weight and sleep schedules. I wish I could say I stuck to my plan of going to bed 15 minutes earlier each night and waking up 15 minutes earlier, but I haven't. Last night I was up late, but I decided to suck it up and wake up early.

I was up at my usual weekday time of 7:45am, but I actually got out of bed and did a workout. I really want to start cross training for a triathlon. I joined the YMCA this week and I really want to do this the right way. This morning's workout was a good reminder that I NEED to do this the right way. I did 2 sets of exercises that used to be so easy I would get bored. I'm out of shape. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'll get back. The short term goal is to be in good enough shape to coach in mid-March. I'd like to be able to finish my first road race in years, the Colonia 5K on April 13th.

The main reason I started blogging again is in December I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. The odd thing was I wasn't upset by this diagnosis. I knew there was something wrong with me so it was a relief to know that a.) I wasn't crazy and b.) it wasn't cancer. I absolutely can handle this disease. It's annoying and inconvenient at times, but manageable. That doesn't mean I don't have panic attacks and feel like this thing is going to put me in the hospital some day. Yesterday I tried opening up to a friend of mine and I stopped. I watched the movie "Friends with Benefits" the other day and Justin Timberlake's character says he doesn't like the look on people's faces when they look at his dad, who has Alzheimer's. I don't like that look on people's faces when I see them look at me with that look. I recently realized that I'm completely comfortable talking about this disease to a certain extent, but I will be looking at the floor when I'm talking about it. Every day is a challenge. I have to live every day though so I do. One of my favorite metaphors is of course something from Jack's Mannequin. It will be my first tattoo when I figure out how to make it look cool enough to permanently be on my body and how to make it not an album title tattoed on my arm. I'm a Glass Passenger. This disease has made me somewhat fragile, but I refuse to be a glass figurine on display somewhere. I'm a passenger on this great journey called life.

I recently realized that years ago when I start this blog that I was smarter than I realized. By including the book I'm reading, what I'm studying, and what video game I'm playing is actually helping me accomplish short term goals which ultimately will lead to long term goals.

I really enjoy my life most days. I enjoy the work I do and the people I work with. I took this job as a tech in Woodbridge Township's IS department as a temporary job. The pay wasn't what I wanted, but the benefits are amazing. I also have been able to live at home and actually save money. It turns out that I really enjoy the work that I do. I also really enjoy how much more there is to learn. I love math and always will, but I realized that it wasn't I didn't enjoy studying or that I was too lazy to do the work. I felt like I was doing a jigsaw puzzle without knowing what the picture was. I have no doubt I would have completed the puzzle and seen the picture, but I was having trouble seeing it. I'm currently studying for my first Cisco Certification, Cisco Certified Entry Networking Technician (CCENT). It's not easy, but it's made easier because I can see the practical use at my current job and I can see where it can take me.

This job also allows me time to do things for me. Saving money for my house, becoming politically active, tutoring math, reading, coaching, studying, playing video games, learning how to play chess, learning how to playing guitar. All of these are things I'd like to accomplish. I found it extremely helpful to write down my goals. Seeing my short term goals and how they will help me achieve dreams makes them easier to accomplish. It also helps make them seem less overwhelming and helps keep me on target.

My short term goals are:
Get CCENT certified
Get back in shape
Maintain a healthy weight
Save money
Buy Saucony Virrata sneakers
Beat Mass Effect 1
Watch Breaking Bad
Finish Ender's Game
Be able to beat the computer at chess
Build up calluses to be able to play guitar Help council and senators/assemblymen get elected/re-elected

My mid term goals are:
Get CCNA certified
Run a 5K
Buy a Macbook Pro with Retina Display
Beat Mass Effect 2
Read Game of Thrones
Learn intermediate chess techniques
Commit guitar chords to memory
Complete and frame NY Giants Puzzle

My long term goals are:
Get A+ certified
Get Network+ certified
Get MCSA/MCSE certified
Complete a triathalon
Buy a house
Learn advanced chess techniques
Learn to play the piano

"If it's just a song to keep us in the universe
When the wars are waging
I will be strong
There's no chance we can lose this fight
With the love that I'm facing
With a note so long
When the morning comes we'll know the truth
The sun will forever keep rising."
- Andrew McMahon "Keep Rising"

Find Your Strong!!

I started getting back in shape and started running again. It's a lot harder than when I was in high school. It's annoying to have to do the little things such as do core workouts and lift weights and strengthen different muscles and ease back into it so I don't hurt myself again. I'll get back though.

I saw an interview with Steve Nash from the Phoenix Suns. He was asked how he still is able to play at such a high level at 38 years old. The point he made was always stay active. His point was as long as your active, your organs stay active, and overall you feel better. It is so much easier to suck it up and stay active than it is to get back into shape after being lazy. I'm learning that the hard way. I'll get back though.

2 friends remind me of this. Both are college teammates of mine and Boston Marathon qualifiers. One is a doctor friend of who ran marathons when he was in med school and still runs at a competitive level. The other is a mother of 3 who won her most recent marathon and is one of the faces of Saucony's "FIND YOUR STRONG" campaign. http://vimeo.com/39777236

They have the 2 most important and time consuming jobs on this earth: doctor and mother. If they can find time to not only stay fit, but to excel at such a high level, why can't I? I'll get back. I'll find my strong.

2012 Fortune Cookie

Location: My room
Watching: Georgetown/St. John's
Reading: A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Study Progress: Week 1 of 14

My 2012 New Years Resolutions are to start running again, get certified in multiple things, and be more of an optimist.

I just got my new sneakers, found a good training program, and had every intention of running this morning. I woke up at 8:30 and it was 17 degrees and very windy... I'll try again tomorrow.

I did go to church this morning. Optimism leveled up (+1).

Somedays I wish I was one of those people who knew the wanted to be a doctor or lawyer or accountant. Otherdays I'm glad I don't know, it frequently forces me to stop and evaluate where I'm at and where I want to be. Luckily I've narrowed it down to 3 things, all of which are obtainable. (Sidenote: I just looked up obtainable vs. attainable and I can't tell the difference.)

a.) Stay where I'm at and learn as much as I can to get promoted when someone retires.

b.) Finally take the actuarial exams.

c.) Get certified in GIS. (Geographical Information Systems, think Google Earth)

(Learning Java, SQL, and Python will help me in a, b, and c.)

I got a really good fortune from a fortune cookie this weekend.

"When in doubt, just take the next small step." - fortune cookie
One of the lucky numbers on this was 11 (my favorite number and birthday)

I have no idea what the next small step is so I'm just going to do every small step I need to do to accomplish all of my possible careers. The priest today talked about listening for God's calling and about being prepared for when that calling comes. I realized that I've been lazy and have been waiting for something to happen, but that I haven't been doing my part.

Great 30th Year!

I've decided to do something great as I embark towards my 30th birthday. I always thought it would have happened by now, but it didn't so it will happen in the up and coming year. As I get ready to go out celebrating with my great friends, I realize there are 2 friends that I'm missing. I know Mitch would be buying me a drink at Fox and Jake would have some great comment posted on my wall. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have lived for 29 years and done the things I have done up until this point. It also makes me realize that I can do more. I can be a better person. I can always strive to better myself. While I was remembering my friends I couldn't help, but find the beauty in this world. I am going to be an uncle. Cheesy with the whole with death comes rebirth sort of thing, and perhaps just odd timing, but nevertheless a great thing and I'm so happy for my cousin and her husband. Uncle Tim. I'm glad I have my dad's name because Uncle Tim doesn't sound weird at all since my dad has been called that for years.

There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I watched the movie "500 Days of Summer" tonight for the first time. I love this movie. I will probably never watch it again, but I did really get a lot out of it. There are girls in my past who have been great friends who I could have been romantically involved with and for whatever reason I wasn't. Most of the time I was afraid of taking a chance and ruining a friendship. After joining the dating site Plenty of Fish and having only 2 girls look at my profile in the first week, I was really depressed and afraid that my worst fears were true. I'm not an attractive guy and it's clear that I'm also not interesting and that a stupid dating site isn't where I need to be finding girls. I think this is true. I need to just go with the flow. If I'm friends with a girl, I can't be afraid of being friends with her and if something romantic happens along the way great. If it doesn't that's fine too. If I get my heart broken, then so what. It's happened tons of time before. I have to just accept that I'm a great person and sometimes that spark just isn't there and there's nothing I can do to change that. No matter how much I want to change it or try to change it, it just won't. There's that spark that is magical that you just can't make. It just needs to happen. I really like how that movie ends. It makes me realize that life goes on and I laughed when I started thinking to myself, there are plenty of fish in the sea. What a good name for a dating website. I also don't think it's me being a hopeless romantic, but I just don't think a dating website is for me. I don't think the type of girl I'll end up falling in love with will be a girl that goes on a dating website. So I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and hope to run into her one day.

I also still refuse to believe everything happens for a reason. I do believe that you need to sometimes take a deep breath and look at life from a different point of view. I decided my next move in life is going to be a computer geek. I have 6 years of experience in the industry and while I feel I'm not as qualified because I don't have any Microsoft Certifications, I decided to get some. When I went on the website I noticed with the launch of Windows 7, there are all new certifications and the old certifications are outdated. So really I'm on a somewhat even playing field!!! I also realized that I have many connections in the tech field and have had job opportunities come my way that I've passed up and I shouldn't have.

Also, as of right now. I really think I want to start running and getting in shape aain.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Something that I've heard too often recently is "Everything Happens for a Reason." For 28 years I've believed that. Last week I realized I don't believe that and never will. I believe there are weird coincidences and strange things happen in this world. Maybe somethings happen for a reason, but it can't be simplified to everything happens for a reason. Losing 2 friends in accidents in a 12 day period makes me believe there is no reason why that happened. No reason you give me will ever be good enough. I simply wish people would say "I know it sucks and it will never make sense, but try to be positive and make the best of a bad situation." I also realized that basically the only way I want to live life is to make the best of every situation. When things are going good I have to remember to still make the best of these good situations. You can always make things better, even if they're great.

That having been said my aunt's dog died suddenly. This is no way related to "Everything Happens for a Reason." It was a dog. Dogs die. Things happen in 3 I guess. I house and dog sat for my aunt and uncle when they would go away. It made me sad that not more people got to know my aunt's dog. He was a golden retriever and very hyperactive. So at family functions he couldn't come out to play. He was a great dog though. I hope my aunt gets a new one soon. Although I know she'll wait a few years. Puppies are fun.