Penny

Location: Work
Listening to: The Format
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 8 of 12

Just a quick update. I realized something. I am Leonard searching for my Penny. It's just so stupid. If you watch the Big Bang Theory, Penny is a exactly the type of girl I chase after for all the wrong reasons. She's hot and that's about it. She appears to be interested in Leonard, but is only using him to pass the time while she's waiting for the high school quarterback to break up with the head cheerleader. I mean Leonard goes above and beyond the call of duty to impress Penny, finally gets her to be his girlfriend, then says I love you and she says thanks and realizes she can never love him. Why do I continue to chase after this type of girl instead of trying to pick up a girl at the library?

Irked

It truly irks me that I can never truly please some people. It also amazes me how people think studying for this exam is stressing me out, when in reality it's everything else I have to do which is preventing me from studying that is upsetting me. I also hate feeling like I'm wrong for taking a day to myself. Why is it ok for everyone else in this world to enjoy life but me? Time for some change. Off to Barnes and Noble instead of the library.

The Greeks were well educated.

"Women are always a complication and a difficulty in the lives of men." - Orestes

Being great

Location: My room
Watching: Parks and Recreation
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 5 of 12

Most people want to be great. Today I don't want to be great. I'm definitely overreacting about this, but tonight my mother told me my 17 year old cousin is in the hospital with severe stomach pains. There's a possibility that he has Crohn's or Colitis. I talked with a friend who told me that I'm jumping to conclusions. She's right, but also said that it's good that my family has me in the event he does have it. I've recently learned that I'm great at helping people cope with this disease by just offering my story and listening to what they have to say. Part of me wants to say I don't wish that I was great at this and that I was great at something else like playing baseball, but I don't actually want that. I realized that if I don't want to be great at talking with people about this disease that I have to do everything I can to raise awareness and raise money for research and treatments so we can find a cure and then I don't have to help people cope. No one should have to suffer and my teenage cousin shouldn't have to spend the night in a hospital.

Please don't let me face my generation alone

Location: My room
Listening to: fun.
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 5 of 12

You know when you just are feeling a certain way and there's a song out there that perfectly expresses how you feel.

Here is that scenario with a song called "All the Pretty Girls" by fun.

Every single night ends up the same,
I don't say much at all, but I bring up your name.
(Over and over and over)
I think it's striking me out.

All the pretty girls on a Saturday night
Let it be, and come to me with the look in your eyes.
Will you break and take all the words from my mouth?
I wish all the pretty girls were shaking me down.
But not you,
you still wear boots and your hair is too long
and then this one doesn't want to admit she's fallen in love
Oh c'mon, oh c'mon, what's a boy to do
When all the pretty girls can't measure to you.

I don't understand your reasons
Please just stay over the weekend
You can't take all those things
They define you and me
everything we've become,
You're all that I need
Please don't make me face my generation alone.


Another fun lyric from a different song called "Be Calm" made me take a deep breath and go pick up my book.

if only I could find my people or my place in life
a when they come a'carolin'
so loud, so bright, the theremin
will lead us to a chorus
where we'll all rejoice and sing a song that goes:

Oh be calm.
Be calm.
I know you feel like you are breaking down.
I know that it gets so hard sometimes,
Be calm.
Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times.
You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive
and everything's wrong
It just gets so hard sometimes
Be calm.

21 and invincible

Tonight I went to a fundraising meeting for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation. It was a free dinner and they gave out fundraising advice. i was dreading having to tell my story and having to hear other peoples' stories. I sat at a table by myself and this family sat with me and it turns out their 11 year old daughter, Madison, was diagnosed "way back" when she was 10. The foundation honors a local hero every year and they picked her this year. She truly is one of the most inspiring people I've ever met. There's something so great about youth. As I was telling my story I noticed how full of life and invincible she was. Even though she was an 11 year old with a chronic disease that I know the effects of all too well. As I told my story to a table full of eager listeners, I found myself quoting one of my heroes. Andrew McMahon. I told them how I was so lucky to be diagnosed at 20 and not 10. They asked me how I coped with it and if I made dietary changes and I said, "I didn't make any changes. I was 21 and invincible. I ate as much taco bell and drank as much beer as possible." Then I laughed as I realized I quoted Andrew who wrote a song called "21 and Invincible." It made me realize that even though I thought the disease made me realize I have limitations that was all wrong. This disease is awful and just slowed me down and made things more difficult. It was my own brain that was holding me back from achieving my goals. Nothing can hold you back, but yourself. If an 11 year old girl who needs to take iron supplements and frequently goes to the bathroom and has to bring a change of clothes with her to her dance lessons and her basketball practices and can live a completely normal life as an 11 year old, then so can I. Probably the funniest part of tonight was when she read her letter that she's sending out to people to get donations. She mentioned how the worst part of this disease besides having to use public restrooms which are absolutely disgusting is that she doesn't like jello. It was extremely funny to me because I hate jello and it's all they give you in the hospital. The italian ice and soup broth is ok, but I can't eat jello anymore unless I'm forced to in the hospital. Anyway, it was a very inspirational night. It's also nice to tell someone what you've been through who actually understands. People tell you they know what you're going through, but unless they have the disease, they have no idea.

Follow my new blog

I'll still update this one whenever I decide I need to vent or have something to share about myself, but I've been asked to do a blog about my grandma. It's funny stuff. Follow that one too.

http://grandmafresh.blogspot.com/