Runner's Pi

2012 Fortune Cookie

2012-01-15T12:30:00.004-05:00

Location: My room
Watching: Georgetown/St. John's
Reading: A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Study Progress: Week 1 of 14

My 2012 New Years Resolutions are to start running again, get certified in multiple things, and be more of an optimist.

I just got my new sneakers, found a good training program, and had every intention of running this morning. I woke up at 8:30 and it was 17 degrees and very windy... I'll try again tomorrow.

I did go to church this morning. Optimism leveled up (+1).

Somedays I wish I was one of those people who knew the wanted to be a doctor or lawyer or accountant. Otherdays I'm glad I don't know, it frequently forces me to stop and evaluate where I'm at and where I want to be. Luckily I've narrowed it down to 3 things, all of which are obtainable. (Sidenote: I just looked up obtainable vs. attainable and I can't tell the difference.)

a.) Stay where I'm at and learn as much as I can to get promoted when someone retires.

b.) Finally take the actuarial exams.

c.) Get certified in GIS. (Geographical Information Systems, think Google Earth)

(Learning Java, SQL, and Python will help me in a, b, and c.)

I got a really good fortune from a fortune cookie this weekend.

"When in doubt, just take the next small step." - fortune cookie
One of the lucky numbers on this was 11 (my favorite number and birthday)

I have no idea what the next small step is so I'm just going to do every small step I need to do to accomplish all of my possible careers. The priest today talked about listening for God's calling and about being prepared for when that calling comes. I realized that I've been lazy and have been waiting for something to happen, but that I haven't been doing my part.

Great 30th Year!

2010-12-11T16:35:00.002-05:00

I've decided to do something great as I embark towards my 30th birthday. I always thought it would have happened by now, but it didn't so it will happen in the up and coming year. As I get ready to go out celebrating with my great friends, I realize there are 2 friends that I'm missing. I know Mitch would be buying me a drink at Fox and Jake would have some great comment posted on my wall. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have lived for 29 years and done the things I have done up until this point. It also makes me realize that I can do more. I can be a better person. I can always strive to better myself. While I was remembering my friends I couldn't help, but find the beauty in this world. I am going to be an uncle. Cheesy with the whole with death comes rebirth sort of thing, and perhaps just odd timing, but nevertheless a great thing and I'm so happy for my cousin and her husband. Uncle Tim. I'm glad I have my dad's name because Uncle Tim doesn't sound weird at all since my dad has been called that for years.

There's plenty of fish in the sea.

2010-07-25T23:17:00.003-04:00

I watched the movie "500 Days of Summer" tonight for the first time. I love this movie. I will probably never watch it again, but I did really get a lot out of it. There are girls in my past who have been great friends who I could have been romantically involved with and for whatever reason I wasn't. Most of the time I was afraid of taking a chance and ruining a friendship. After joining the dating site Plenty of Fish and having only 2 girls look at my profile in the first week, I was really depressed and afraid that my worst fears were true. I'm not an attractive guy and it's clear that I'm also not interesting and that a stupid dating site isn't where I need to be finding girls. I think this is true. I need to just go with the flow. If I'm friends with a girl, I can't be afraid of being friends with her and if something romantic happens along the way great. If it doesn't that's fine too. If I get my heart broken, then so what. It's happened tons of time before. I have to just accept that I'm a great person and sometimes that spark just isn't there and there's nothing I can do to change that. No matter how much I want to change it or try to change it, it just won't. There's that spark that is magical that you just can't make. It just needs to happen. I really like how that movie ends. It makes me realize that life goes on and I laughed when I started thinking to myself, there are plenty of fish in the sea. What a good name for a dating website. I also don't think it's me being a hopeless romantic, but I just don't think a dating website is for me. I don't think the type of girl I'll end up falling in love with will be a girl that goes on a dating website. So I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and hope to run into her one day.

I also still refuse to believe everything happens for a reason. I do believe that you need to sometimes take a deep breath and look at life from a different point of view. I decided my next move in life is going to be a computer geek. I have 6 years of experience in the industry and while I feel I'm not as qualified because I don't have any Microsoft Certifications, I decided to get some. When I went on the website I noticed with the launch of Windows 7, there are all new certifications and the old certifications are outdated. So really I'm on a somewhat even playing field!!! I also realized that I have many connections in the tech field and have had job opportunities come my way that I've passed up and I shouldn't have.

Also, as of right now. I really think I want to start running and getting in shape aain.

Everything Happens for a Reason

2010-06-06T22:15:00.002-04:00

Something that I've heard too often recently is "Everything Happens for a Reason." For 28 years I've believed that. Last week I realized I don't believe that and never will. I believe there are weird coincidences and strange things happen in this world. Maybe somethings happen for a reason, but it can't be simplified to everything happens for a reason. Losing 2 friends in accidents in a 12 day period makes me believe there is no reason why that happened. No reason you give me will ever be good enough. I simply wish people would say "I know it sucks and it will never make sense, but try to be positive and make the best of a bad situation." I also realized that basically the only way I want to live life is to make the best of every situation. When things are going good I have to remember to still make the best of these good situations. You can always make things better, even if they're great.

That having been said my aunt's dog died suddenly. This is no way related to "Everything Happens for a Reason." It was a dog. Dogs die. Things happen in 3 I guess. I house and dog sat for my aunt and uncle when they would go away. It made me sad that not more people got to know my aunt's dog. He was a golden retriever and very hyperactive. So at family functions he couldn't come out to play. He was a great dog though. I hope my aunt gets a new one soon. Although I know she'll wait a few years. Puppies are fun.

Bros before hoes

2010-05-30T12:45:00.002-04:00

Location: Backyard Listening to: Kid Dynamite Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini Study Progress: Week 8 of 12

There is nothing better than hanging out with good friends. I've had to learn the hard way that I really need to cherish moments with my good friends, because life is short and it could be the last time. That having been said I always have been a pretty good judge of character and I need to stop chasing after girls who I know are wrong for me. That time could be better spent hanging out with the people that actually do matter.

For those of you who don't know, I lost 2 friends in 12 days. I wouldn't say they were my closest friends, but they were really nice and awesome guys who I'm proud to call friends. I blogged about Jake earlier and Mitch was a great guy too and taken from us too young.

Love life hardcore

2010-05-15T12:37:00.001-04:00

Location:Library
Listening to:fun.
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 7 of 12

On Sunday a friend of mine died suddenly. He wasn't one of my close friends, but we kept in touch from time to time. It really hit me a lot harder than I was expecting. It's a tribute to the life he lived and how special he was and that in only a short time he made such a huge impact on the world. I am trying to take away something positive from this. It made me realize I have been a poser. I said I was going to start living life. I wasn't I was hiding from life in a library. I learned I need to adjust my life. I have great friends and not being able to experience things with them because I'm in the library is a waste of time. I'm not giving up on my dream of becoming an actuary. I'm just not going to stress anymore. If I study and I'm not ready in time for the exam I'll just keep doing what I do and take it the next time it's offered. Jake, I will never thank you for helping me realize this because I'd rather have you here telling me about a new band I check out or show me how just being me is more than being cool. Jake loved life hardcore. Thanks DBY for that awesome saying. So simple and yet so accurate. He was in a band called Dreams Forever Drowning. Looking back I find that ironic. He lived life hardcore. His dreams were far from drowning. I'd also like to take this time to apologize to anyone I had to cancel plans with because of this stupid exam. It won't happen again.

Penny

2010-04-20T12:48:00.002-04:00

Location: Work
Listening to: The Format
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 8 of 12

Just a quick update. I realized something. I am Leonard searching for my Penny. It's just so stupid. If you watch the Big Bang Theory, Penny is a exactly the type of girl I chase after for all the wrong reasons. She's hot and that's about it. She appears to be interested in Leonard, but is only using him to pass the time while she's waiting for the high school quarterback to break up with the head cheerleader. I mean Leonard goes above and beyond the call of duty to impress Penny, finally gets her to be his girlfriend, then says I love you and she says thanks and realizes she can never love him. Why do I continue to chase after this type of girl instead of trying to pick up a girl at the library?

Irked

2010-04-11T11:55:00.000-04:00

It truly irks me that I can never truly please some people. It also amazes me how people think studying for this exam is stressing me out, when in reality it's everything else I have to do which is preventing me from studying that is upsetting me. I also hate feeling like I'm wrong for taking a day to myself. Why is it ok for everyone else in this world to enjoy life but me? Time for some change. Off to Barnes and Noble instead of the library.

The Greeks were well educated.

2010-04-10T20:39:00.001-04:00

"Women are always a complication and a difficulty in the lives of men." - Orestes

Being great

2010-03-28T22:44:00.003-04:00

Location: My room
Watching: Parks and Recreation
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 5 of 12

Most people want to be great. Today I don't want to be great. I'm definitely overreacting about this, but tonight my mother told me my 17 year old cousin is in the hospital with severe stomach pains. There's a possibility that he has Crohn's or Colitis. I talked with a friend who told me that I'm jumping to conclusions. She's right, but also said that it's good that my family has me in the event he does have it. I've recently learned that I'm great at helping people cope with this disease by just offering my story and listening to what they have to say. Part of me wants to say I don't wish that I was great at this and that I was great at something else like playing baseball, but I don't actually want that. I realized that if I don't want to be great at talking with people about this disease that I have to do everything I can to raise awareness and raise money for research and treatments so we can find a cure and then I don't have to help people cope. No one should have to suffer and my teenage cousin shouldn't have to spend the night in a hospital.

Please don't let me face my generation alone

2010-03-27T22:37:00.002-04:00

Location: My room
Listening to: fun.
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 5 of 12

You know when you just are feeling a certain way and there's a song out there that perfectly expresses how you feel.

Here is that scenario with a song called "All the Pretty Girls" by fun.

Every single night ends up the same,
I don't say much at all, but I bring up your name.
(Over and over and over)
I think it's striking me out.

All the pretty girls on a Saturday night
Let it be, and come to me with the look in your eyes.
Will you break and take all the words from my mouth?
I wish all the pretty girls were shaking me down.
But not you,
you still wear boots and your hair is too long
and then this one doesn't want to admit she's fallen in love
Oh c'mon, oh c'mon, what's a boy to do
When all the pretty girls can't measure to you.

I don't understand your reasons
Please just stay over the weekend
You can't take all those things
They define you and me
everything we've become,
You're all that I need
Please don't make me face my generation alone.

Another fun lyric from a different song called "Be Calm" made me take a deep breath and go pick up my book.

if only I could find my people or my place in life
a when they come a'carolin'
so loud, so bright, the theremin
will lead us to a chorus
where we'll all rejoice and sing a song that goes:

Oh be calm.
Be calm.
I know you feel like you are breaking down.
I know that it gets so hard sometimes,
Be calm.
Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times.
You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive
and everything's wrong
It just gets so hard sometimes
Be calm.

21 and invincible

2010-03-23T21:39:00.002-04:00

Tonight I went to a fundraising meeting for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation. It was a free dinner and they gave out fundraising advice. i was dreading having to tell my story and having to hear other peoples' stories. I sat at a table by myself and this family sat with me and it turns out their 11 year old daughter, Madison, was diagnosed "way back" when she was 10. The foundation honors a local hero every year and they picked her this year. She truly is one of the most inspiring people I've ever met. There's something so great about youth. As I was telling my story I noticed how full of life and invincible she was. Even though she was an 11 year old with a chronic disease that I know the effects of all too well. As I told my story to a table full of eager listeners, I found myself quoting one of my heroes. Andrew McMahon. I told them how I was so lucky to be diagnosed at 20 and not 10. They asked me how I coped with it and if I made dietary changes and I said, "I didn't make any changes. I was 21 and invincible. I ate as much taco bell and drank as much beer as possible." Then I laughed as I realized I quoted Andrew who wrote a song called "21 and Invincible." It made me realize that even though I thought the disease made me realize I have limitations that was all wrong. This disease is awful and just slowed me down and made things more difficult. It was my own brain that was holding me back from achieving my goals. Nothing can hold you back, but yourself. If an 11 year old girl who needs to take iron supplements and frequently goes to the bathroom and has to bring a change of clothes with her to her dance lessons and her basketball practices and can live a completely normal life as an 11 year old, then so can I. Probably the funniest part of tonight was when she read her letter that she's sending out to people to get donations. She mentioned how the worst part of this disease besides having to use public restrooms which are absolutely disgusting is that she doesn't like jello. It was extremely funny to me because I hate jello and it's all they give you in the hospital. The italian ice and soup broth is ok, but I can't eat jello anymore unless I'm forced to in the hospital. Anyway, it was a very inspirational night. It's also nice to tell someone what you've been through who actually understands. People tell you they know what you're going through, but unless they have the disease, they have no idea.

Follow my new blog

2010-03-17T21:16:00.001-04:00

I'll still update this one whenever I decide I need to vent or have something to share about myself, but I've been asked to do a blog about my grandma. It's funny stuff. Follow that one too.

http://grandmafresh.blogspot.com/

Balance

2010-03-09T22:53:00.002-05:00

Location: Bed
Watching: Grandma's Boy
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 3 of 12

I learned a very important lesson today. Always do your best at everything you do. Even if you are unhappy or looking to move on. You should still always do your best. If not you are hurting those around you and yourself. I also learned that life is about balance. Too much fun and too much stress aren't good for anyone. You need to find the right balance. I'm not there yet, but I believe that hopefully people can forgive me and I will get there. I will say I am extremely humbled by this new found knowledge and I realized that I've been selfish and arrogant and just plain hurtful to people and even though I thought I was helping I wasn't. I apologize to everyone and will do my best to do better.

T-REX!!!!

2010-03-06T21:12:00.002-05:00

Location: Kitchen
Watching: Duke/UNC then switching to Crash
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 2 of 12

So sometimes it feels good to know you aren't the only one who hasn't figured out life yet. Freaking out is allowed in moderation. I also learned that it's more important to do something that makes you happy. Hopefully I'll be an actuary the rest of my life, but who knows. All I know is that right now it seems like the right thing to do and I really enjoying doing this sort of work.

Also T-rexs rule. I love sharks, but dinosaurs are so much cooler.

I'm ok with still being a little kid at heart. I think it's good to let go once in a while and be carefree.

28 and Invincible

2010-03-03T20:42:00.004-05:00

Location: Kitchen table
Listening to: fun.
Watching: Modern family
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: week 2 of 12

Warning: This is going to be pretty deep and religious or spiritual or whatever you'd like to call it.

I'm not afraid to say this anymore. Even though it defies all logic and everything my scientific brain tells me. I've always believed there was a God. Jesus was another story. When I was younger I had all sorts of strange things happen that made me believe. Then I got sick and I couldn't believe that someone who is all loving and died for me would allow bad things to happen to good people. To this day I've never asked, "Why me?" I never planned on asking that question because of the extreme negativity that goes along with it. Now I know "Why me?"

I can't truly express in words what I'm feeling at this moment. Here's a feeble attempt.

For those of you who know me, you will know what a huge fan I am of Andrew McMahon and his music. He's also an example of how we should all be living life. It sounds so simple, but it is something I've had a really hard time doing recently. A few months ago I met someone who turned out to be a great friend. She made me realize "Why me?" She made me realize I have a purpose. I have a disease and I can help a lot of people who also have this disease. I went through the worst of it and I'm still standing. On Monday I decided to start living life again. I didn't feel 100% and had a concert ticket to see Andrew's band Jack's Mannequin in Philly. I could have easily cancelled. I took the day off and even ate a cheesesteak (a terrible decision in hind sight.) I felt miserable all day and all night. I think I caught a cold shoveling. I couldn't let her know I was in discomfort. 2 of her favorite bands of all time were playing and I didn't want to be a buzzkill and I didn't want to let her down. It made me realize my decision to start living life again was the right decision. I had an awesome time.

At some point in our car ride I brought up one of Andrew's songs called "21 and Invincible." Some people argue that song is about being unstoppable and nothing can get in your way. I always thought the point of that song was that you think you're invincible and you aren't. It can all be taken away at any given moment. This is true. I'm an example of that. I will probably never run a marathon, but that doesn't mean I can't run a quarter mile. I realized tonight that just because you've had something taken away from you doesn't mean you should miss out on the rest of what life has to offer.

Another part of our conversation was about how being positive and having something or someone to live for really helps people. Whether it be being sick or just getting through a rough patch. To be honest, I didn't think I had anything to live for. Sad I know. My head was an absolute mess.

Warning: Some of you might not believe this next part and call me crazy or say it's because I was being positive or it was just coincidence these events happened, but I think I'm right.

Last night I was feeling depressed. I didn't understand why I could have a great day the day before and be depressed the next night. I thought about finally seeing a therapist. Then I got arrogant. I said you know what my mom and her crazy friends and these Jesus freaks would say open your heart to Jesus. Like I said, I do believe there's something bigger than me that created this world. My logic tells me I'm here and I completely believe in the big bang theory (a great show as well), but something or someone had to set it all in motion. I think I sort of believe in this one teaching of the Bahai Faith. I learned about this from Rainn Wilson (Yes, I get religious advice from Dwight Shrute.) It teaches that Jesus and these main people of other religions are all messengers and manifestations of God at different points in time to specific groups of people. Further, we are all messengers of God and all here to better the world.

I can't explain it, but before my surgery I said to God if I need surgery so be it. I can't do this anymore. I'm in your hands. I haven't been that spiritual since I was a little kid. Looking back it worked out. Was it because of science that I'm ok? 100%. I don't deny that. I don't deny that I went to one of the best surgeons in the world in one of the best hospitals in the world in the greatest city in the world. I planned that. It was part of my comfort in being positive during this ordeal. I felt like I had control in how I was going to be treated. What I can't explain is how I was relatively not nervous, even though I didn't have control. I knew I'd be out for 4 hours with no control over the result of the surgery. Friends tell me it's that I was brave or I was foolish or I am strong. It's not. I had comfort in believing everything was going to work out and if it didn't I'd deal with it. So at that point I had a strong belief in God and that something was watching over me. At that point though, I believed that Jesus was just a fictional character. I don't believe that anymore. If God wants to manifest himself in the person of Jesus, who's stopping him? I realized that my strong belief in him as the creator was the key. If he could make the world and make people, why couldn't he come as Jesus? That almost seems like a lesser task.

Back to my point. Last night I felt completely helpless and thought let's try this Jesus thing again. So I said, "God I'm ready to try again. I enjoy helping people. Even if I'm not happy, I will try to make this world a better place from this day forward." My pessimism wasn't doing anyone any good and I didn't like pessimistic Tim. So I said let me try this. I wasn't looking for a sign or looking for an improvement immediately. I honestly didn't think it would happen. What did happen was I turned on the TV and "A Beautiful Mind" was on. So I watched it. I'm a math geek and crazy. I can definitely relate to John Nash. I've seen it numerous times and own it on DVD along with the book. What I never noticed was how he literally conquered his mind. I wanted to do that. My mind and my negativity were causing my depression and holding me back from being happy. I needed to conquer it on my own. I took enough drugs for my colon and I didn't like the way they messed with my mind. So I was on a mission.

Today I went to work, feeling under the weather and had a completely vanilla day at the office. My brother had some chest pains and I was scared for him. He's so completely different from me and my parents let so much slide with him that it's mostly jealousy. Turns out he's fine and I can sleep easy tonight. I came home and talked to him and it made me realize that he sort of grew up a little today. He went for all these tests and now has a greater understanding of what I've gone through over the years. Just seeing how worked up he got over a pulled muscle and the few hours it took for the doctors to diagnose it, I think made him realize I wasn't crazy when I freaked out about having to wait for test results.

Later that night I got a text from a friend. One of my first running coaches and now I can call him a friend. He's someone I highly respect and constantly go to for advice. He's texted me that his knee problems are getting worse and he might not be able to run again ever. I thought it was a ploy to get me to start coaching again. I called him and was partially right. He mostly called to talk it out. He knows I don't coach because I can't run and can't set the example I'd like to set. I didn't want to be the fat lazy coach with the stop watch standing there barking orders. So I quit. He's coached much longer than me and truly is a great coach. So I felt comfort in knowing he expressed the same concerns. But he wasn't talking about quitting and that's what I noticed. He could have easily used this as an excuse to get out, but he didn't. He also was telling me to come back and coach, without needing to say it. I also noticed that he called to talk about potentially having something he loves taken away from him. We talked about how doctors don't understand runners. They see it as pain. It's an escape. Part of the reason for my depression is that when I used to go on long runs, I had time to figure stuff out in my mind. I don't have that same escape. I've tried alternatives, I've tried drugs, nothing compares. We talked about how he was determined to get back to running no matter what the doctors said. I think part of him made the call to just talk about how scary it is. So he told me about the plan he had mapped out. Even though he said he doesn't want to do this yet, I told him to stop wasting time with NJ doctors and go to NYC. I have the utmost faith in NYC doctors. We talked about how skiiers can have 5 knee surgeries and still win medals in the moguls at the Olympics. So someone can get him back to running.

It made me realize I do have something to live for. It felt good helping a friend. We then went on to talk about his daughters and I mentioned how I just had talked with all the former runners I used to run with. They're all in college now so when I started running they were about 10 years old on average. They were jealous of me being able to go to a concert. More importantly they know Andrew's story and truly are touched and as inspired as I am. I then went on to tell him about Andrew and that God forbid any young person should get cancer, but if he ever wanted to borrow my DVD which documents Andrew beating cancer I would gladly share it. He then asked me how my fundraising was going and I said extremely well, but that I was thinking of asking for donations to be made to my friend instead. She has Crohn's disease and is running a half marathon to raise money for the same foundation. She's not a runner and is truly inspiring and is having trouble raising funds. I also reflected on how being outspoken about the disease has raised all sort of money and sparked all sorts of conversation that I never would have expected. He said to me, "Tim, you're going to need to ask people for money you're whole life. So don't be afraid to do it now." He then asked about my exam. I told him I failed and was confident I would pass in May. He then mentioned that his brother worked for Chubb Insurance, which is one of the companies on my list. He said, "Tim, you're going to need help in this economy. My brother will get you that job. You're truly inspired to chase this dream and like me chasing my dream to get back to running. Both will happen."

Let's say God doesn't exist. Would he still be this nice? Would I still be this nice? 100% yes. I believe in the good of people. I've also seen the bad in people. Was this all just a strange coincidence? Possibly.

My answer is everything happens for a reason. In 2 seemingly bad situations, we are both working through it to get to the good on the other side. Would I ever have imagined that someone would be calling me for life advice when I was 28 years old and a complete mess? No, but it happened and I'm glad it did. I can't ignore the chain of events. I can't ignore that I asked for help and was immediately given this realization that I'm worth it and do have a reason to live. I can really make peoples' lives better and make a difference.

On a job interview I was asked to give a unique answer to the question: "Why should I hire you instead of anyone else? What makes you better?" I've been searching for my answer for months. I finally have it. My unique answer is I'm unique. I'm Tim Casey and I'm damn proud of that. I've been through a lot and I'm still standing. I help people every chance I get and have fun every chance I get and work hard every chance I get. That's what life's all about and I get that and I don't think everybody gets that. I don't have a one line answer. I can't say I'm going to be the best actuary ever. Odds are I won't be. I can't say I'm the best friend ever or the best runner ever. I can say that I'm a great person though. I honestly don't think enough people in this world can say that.

Part of me wants to apologize for this rant. Another part of me doesn't and is proud of this rant. It somehow all makes sense to me now. Will I always believe this, will things happen that change my beliefs and my opinions? Yes. That's life. What I can say is that I'm 28 and invincible.

fun.

2010-03-02T16:32:00.002-05:00

Location: My room
Listening to: fun.
Watching: Crash
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 2 of 12

I had a lot of fun. Yesterday. I spent the day in Philly. Got to eat a cheesesteak and got to see Jack's Mannequin perform along with the band fun. Turns out fun. puts on an awesome show. I'm sort of regretting the cheesesteak decision, but hey you only live once. My stomach was killing me all night. I got back really late and was in bed by 2:15 am, but I couldn't sleep because my stomach was killing me so I called out sick today. All in all, it was fun just to take a day to myself. I should do that more often. It was nice to have a day of fun. Then today sucked again. I don't get how people can be so inconsiderate. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you always give 100% people are disappointed if you give 99%. If you only give 20% and just once give 50% people throw you a wedding size party.

Stay Positive and Good Things Will Happen

2010-02-28T14:32:00.003-05:00

Location: Kitchen Table
Watching: Winter Olympics
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Week 2 of 12 (On pace, professor is still a douche and not posting stuff up on time, so I'm doing my own thing.)

I'm trying really hard to be positive and find the good in everything. I'm going to internalize a lot of things in the next few weeks because I simply don't have the time or the energy to complain about things or people who will never change.

What I will say is this test is more than just a math test. So everyone who is being negative towards me about not passing it is no longer my friend. I went out to grab something to eat last night and ran into a good friend from high school who said, "Wow, you failed something? Have you ever failed anything before? You failed a math test?"

That having been said I realized this isn't just a math test. This is hard and needs my complete attention. I've said it before and I'm serious this time. I'm sorry if I have to say no to you, but that's the way it is. I've had to make serious sacrifices like cancelling trips to visit friends and missing a season of snowboarding and running and working out. There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to work, study, and be there for every single person. So the studying is coming first. The new exam date is May 20th. So no fun for me until then.

I was watching this episode of Scrubs where Dr. Kelso tells Dr. Cox that as much as he complains about people needing him and always asking for help that he continues to do it because he enjoys it. I feel the same way. For as much as I complain it's nice to feel needed. I think that's where I'm going to have to make judgment calls. Does this person really need me at this moment or is it drama? Am I really the only person who can help this person or do I need to help myself first? There is one important person in my life who needs my help at this time. Me. I intend on being there for myself more than I've ever been.

Update

2010-02-27T09:52:00.003-05:00

Location: Woodbridge Library
Listening to: 30 Seconds to Mars
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Anxiously waiting for my professor to post week 1's quiz in week 1 of 12

I have nothing really interesting to say. I'm on pace with my studying this time and plan on keeping it that way. I'm off to the library to study and learn fun stuff. Then it's off to the Rutgers game with Drew.

I'm not giving in

2010-02-15T20:09:00.002-05:00

So I failed this exam, was alone for my 28th consecutive Valentine's Day, and learned that to start my new career it looks like I'm going to have to pass 2 exams to get hired. Which means another year at East Coast Title.

To be honest I don't even know why I'm writing this blog. I'm hoping that I will finally catch a break and all my hard work will go noticed.

To do that, I'm going to do something that I hate. I'm going to start living for me. I've never been a selfish individual. 2 days after having life saving surgery I was answering work phone calls. No matter how sick I was or how bad I was hurting I've always been the shoulder to cry. Not any more. There's only so much misery one man can take. Becoming an actuary is going to open so many doors and get me finally living in NYC.

A quick story. A friend of mine came up from DC to visit NYC. A week before my exam. I was freaking out because I didn't feel ready for this exam. I didn't get a chance to go visit with her. I've felt horrible ever since. I missed out on snowboarding this year. I haven't played video games in months. It all sounds silly and childish. I have to start living for me. The reason I didn't pass this exam is because I've left my cell phone one 100% of the time I've studied for this. I've answered every email, phone call, text, im, and facebook message. For some people it was completely worth it. To those few I apologize, but I know you will understand that this is what I have to do. I've helped numerous friends out of really tough times. I've also wasted a lot of time having to listen to drama.

I'm cutting drama out of my life. I've complained that in my family it's 100% acceptable for people to not help Grandma or not get stuff done around the house because they are going to a party or going to the bar or going to watch the game. Well I'm taking responsibility for that. I let it happen. I've spent too much time studying at home and I've left my phone on so I can be at the world's every beckoning call. Not anymore. It's all about learning to say no. I get taken advantage of in every aspect of my life. This is me formally saying "HELL NO LIFE!!! I'm not going to be your bitch anymore life."

Also, I'm so glad I have an iPod. People are unreliable. Music is always there for me. I was in such a bad mood all weekend and I put on Jack's Mannequin and just realized I could be back in a hospital. Then it made me realize that yes life is good because I'm not on medication and I'm not hooked up to machines. But that doesn't mean I should have to put up with pointless bullshit. I'm living again in the real world in the good US of A, where people take advantage of you every chance they get.

One positive thing is my next attempt at this exam is right before a walk I'm doing in Belmar to benefit the Crohn's and Colitis foundation. For those of you who don't really know me and have seen me ask for money or have seen that I've raised a fair amount of money, please please please give me more. It's a horrible disease that still affects me every day of my life. For those of you who think my surgery was a cure for this disease, you are 100% right. I no longer have colitis. I also no longer have a colon, which has led to a handful of other problems. It's not an appendix. Also when I speak about people I have really helped over the past few months, I'm talking about friends with Crohn's and Colitis. The only time I've felt valuable in the past few months is when I've helped them through a flare up or through a freak out because of the terrible mental effects the stronger medications have on your brain.

Sorry I deviated off topic. My point is in May I will be retaking my actuarial exam (hopefully passing it), then on May 23rd doing the walk at 5pm, and then watching the Lost series finale. Doing the walk is a huge step for me because I'm officially publicly becoming a face for a horribly embarrassing and painful chronic disease. It feels like I'm turning the page on that part of my life. Hopefully I will also be turning the pages of the rest of my life and embarking on a new career in a new place.

Another positive thing is I'm going to try to stop cursing. So if one slips out of my mouth please yell at me. (Note: This email doesn't count)

Snow Day

2010-02-10T09:56:00.002-05:00

Location: Kitchen table
Listening to: Motion City Soundtrack "My Dinosaur Life"
Watching: The Snow fall outside
Reading: Eldest by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Freaking out 4 days away from Exam (Outlook not so good)

You know you're a dork when you get a text at 7:20 am from your boss telling you to stay home because the office is closed and the first thing through your head is "Yes, I can study all day!"

That having been said, I appreciate all of the kind thoughts and words of encouragement everyone has given me, but I'm being honest. I'm not going to pass it this time. So Saturday is just going to be a test run. Then May I'll pass it and embark on a new career path as an actuary. I'm actually not afraid. I have no real experience as an actuary, but I know it's the right thing for me. I don't know how I know this. I just do.

Ok off to hit the books.

I wanna be somewhere else

2010-02-04T22:22:00.002-05:00

I didn't think I would make it,
Thought everybody was against me
All those conquered eyes
And Christmases alone.
I never gave an honest answer
But I made a lot of angry organs.
Are we copacetic? Are we behaving now?
Filling up on endless enzymes
From other people's ugly insides
All this bitterness is starting to grow cold
Encompanies an empty evening,
Hanging onto complications
Sometimes quick sand has a massive appeal
To me

I want to be somewhere else

I think I can figure it out, but I'm gonna need a
Little help to get me
Need a little help to get me.
I think I can figure it out, but I'm gonna
Need a little help to get me through it
To get me through it

I always knew I had the answer
But I never understood the question
Indoor living
Lacerated to the bone
And now we've realigned the edges
I'm doing very well I thank you
All this sympathy is starting to wear me down
I wish I was someone else

I think I can figure it out, but I'm gonna need a
Little help to get me
Need a little help to get me.
I think I can figure it out, but I'm gonna
Need a little help to get me through it
To get me through it

I'll try to work this out
I'll try to get it on
I'll try

I like to tell you that I'm ready
For whatever's coming
But to be honest there's a part of me
That loses control

I think I can figure it out, but I'm gonna need a
Little help to get me
Need a little help to get me.

- "A Lifeless Ordinary" by Motion City Soundtrack

What does it take to be a superhero?

2010-01-20T20:45:00.003-05:00

Things I've noticed after 20 days of 2010:

I'm a little bitter. Maybe a lot bitter.

I have great friends and family and a great support system. I've raised a lot of money with barely any money for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation.

http://online.ccfa.org/site/TR/Walk/Chapter-NewJersey?team_id=64740&pg=team&fr_id=1777

I'm still always going to be a great friend.

Advice: "The first star you see may not be a star." - SoCo

Theory: The less you do, the less people expect of you.

Proof: I constantly do favors for people. I've learned that if you are constantly giving 100% of yourself everyday, people notice when you only give 99.9%. Then they make a big deal out of how you aren't doing your best. Those same people will say make yourself happy and then you can make others happy, they mean you should stop doing favors for other people and still do everything for them.

Solution: If you only give 50% the majority of the time, then people will applaud you when you give 51%. So why should anyone ever give 100%?

If you're invisible, just wait it out. Eventually someone will need your help and freak out when they can't find the invisible man.

Girls don't like the nice guy. You at least have to be at least part douche. The higher up on the douche scale the better. Just don't be off the chart douchey because that's too much. "What does it take to be a superhero in my world. Make no mistake these villains always get the girl." - SoCo

I like hockey again. Go Devils.

Reading books about dragons is ok.

Doing math is fun. "So read your books, but stay out late some nights. Some nights, and don't think that you can't stop by the bar." - JM

I'll never be good enough for some people. It hurts more when you think you are close to those people.

I'm done letting the little things get in the way of my dreams. "Little minds let little games burn big old dreams with little flames." - SoCo

'010

2010-01-02T16:01:00.002-05:00

So it's 2010 and I've decided to call it oh-10 and not just 10.

My new years resolutions:

-Join the Y and start working out again.

-Pass 2 actuarial exams (the first one is on February 13th, 6 weeks from today)

-Stop stressing about the little things

-Stop trying to force people to like me or be my friend. If people don't talk to me on AIM or keep in touch via email, I should not force them by emailing them.

-Play more video games

-Read more books

-Drink more water

Happy New Year everyone and I'm off to study while I watch some college basketball.

People suck

2009-12-15T19:50:00.002-05:00

I had a horrible last 2 days at work. To the point that I'm really considering quitting as the only option. I won't, but it just drives me nuts when I work hard at something and get nothing but grief. Or when I help someone and because there's no solution to the problem that it's suddenly reason to bitch me out. Sometimes life hands you shitty situations and you have to choose between 2 shitty choices. I also feel like I've been trying way too hard and putting too much effort into certain situations where I really shouldn't be because it's going unnoticed. I will never change and never stop being the nice guy, but I really need to stop being so nice to certain people who aren't appreciative. Ok, time to do some math.

Farting Coworkers

2009-11-11T20:23:00.004-05:00

Really quickly I need to write about how I'm pretty sure a coworker just farted on me. We were at a seminar for work and she let one rip and then said "Oh, I'm sorry." Then she turned and walked away slowly. Now I know she's mad at me for things I did last week. She's been following me around and trying to catch me making a mistake. I guess she's given up that hope and is just going to settle her anger in a less mature way. The best thing is you'd think we were all alone in a hall way or something. Not the case. We were waiting in the sign out line at the seminar so about 25 other people heard the fart and the apology. In better news, my boss sat me down and said she's really going to miss me when I'm gone because she's going to have no one intelligent to talk with.

Random thoughts

2009-11-08T16:51:00.003-05:00

Location: My room
Listening to: The Rocket Summer
Watching: The Giants
Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Part 6 of 6 in week 2 of 11

The Giants need to step it up. I cut them some slack because I was distracted by the Yankees, but now it's time to get back into football. I'm not happy with them at all.

It's also time to get back to studying. I messed up and didn't register in time for the December exam so now I have to wait until February. It stinks, but after spending a lot of time in NYC and meeting some awesome people recently it's making me more focused on getting a job in NYC. It also made me realize that not being closer to the city means I miss a lot of stuff.

That's pretty much all I have to say. Go Yanks! #27!! I went to the parade and it was awesome, but my legs still hurt 2 days later. Either I need to start getting back in shape or standing around in the cold for 7 hours in one spot is a bad idea. Also I'm going to go heat up my leftover chicken makhani and Jersey City is leading slightly in my JC vs. Brooklyn where should I move poll.

I also need a new camera. My crappy Sony camera broke. Anyone have any thoughts?

Normalcy

2009-10-23T21:40:00.005-04:00

Location: My room
Listening to: N/A
Watching: Juno
Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Part 6 of 6 in week 2 of 11

I'm freaking out a little about this exam. Hopefully I'll be able to focus this weekend and get lots of work done. The Yankees and Jack's Mannequin have taken over my life. Now I'm ready to kick math's ass.

This past week I realized I'm ready for a move to NYC. I was always afraid of it being too big. Then I ran into a good friend in Times Square and then ran into the same girl twice in 2 weeks. It's not as big as it seems. I also was walking around New Brunswick and realized it's time I leave Middlesex County. I know that a lot of people become big fish in little ponds. I am a big fish in the little pond that is East Coast Title, but as far as Woodbridge goes I feel like a tiny fish in a little pond. People tell me to become a bigger fish, but after hanging out in NYC and feeling completely comfortable and completely awesome for being me I am ready to find a new pond.

The best part of these past 2 weeks. I got to meet my hero Andrew McMahon twice and I realized he's still a hero, but after being completely in awe of him I realized I was being a groupie. Last night I saw Andrew's "Dear Jack" documentary and during the Q&A I realized how many people have cancer or other illness or other terrible life changing situations. It's about 100% of people. I need to live life. I was just excited to hang out with awesome people at a bar in the city. I felt 100% normal and had such a fun time that I didn't even notice they were guys in one of my favorite bands. It was really awesome to see Andrew hanging out and being normal.

At first I was very nervous. I met Jon, the bass player, and his friends and was a little in awe that I was hanging out with him and having a normal conversation. We were talking about vinyl vs. cassette vs. cd vs. mp3 vs. streaming. It was like we were friends for years. It was really a shock to see successful musicians actually being awesome people and not assholes. I was so nervous in fact that I was rambling on and on to this poor girl that I had met at a show a few days before. We walked for about 20-25 blocks to get to the bar from the movie theatre. The band made me get rid of this girl that was trying to get into the bar with us and I felt horrible because I was having a really awesome conversation with a girl that I don't even know. Luckily I got her number so I could apologize for not being able to get her into the bar. They say don't ever say sorry because it shows weakness, but I truly was sorry.

I was having such a good time just walking and talking with her that it was sad to see the conversation come to an end. I have a feeling I was more excited to be with her and she was just excited to get to drink a beer with Andrew. I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend. It could also be that she's a social worker and can sense I'm a little off and wanted to learn more, but more likely it was her being as nervous and excited as I was to hang out with the band. She was probably more nervous and anxious than I was actually.

So after I thought I was now black listed I apologized to Jon and his friends about a million times and of course bought the first round of drinks hoping they would like me. Turns out they were totally cool and I didn't even have to do that. They gave me a hard time for bringing "a groupie" along. Rookie mistake. I guess she was a groupie, but a really awesome groupie. I insist that she's just a really awesome fan. Then later everyone apologized for making me ditch the girl. It was such a fun night. Never in my wildest dreams did I think a rockstar would be so cool and so normal. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be at a bar engaged in conversation and laughing and having a great time with the people in that room. I got invited to an exclusive night club that had an $80 cover. I couldn't go because stupid NJ Transit stops at 1:18 and I would have gotten stuck in the city.

I also have a greater appreciation for how hard people work in the music industry. People in that bar were having fun, but still discussing business or trying to make connections. It was awesome for me to be able to say I don't work in the industry and just enjoy the night. Special thanks to Adam Zengel for always working and trying to better the industry and for meeting Ryan at Rutgers who made this whole awesome experience happen. I also have a new found hope that me being me is more than good enough. I don't need to try to pretend to be someone I'm not and my geeky side and my musical side and my sports loving side and my naive side and my hopeless romantic side and my awkward side and my humorous side make me me and if that's not good enough for people then they can go f*** themselves.

I can honestly say these past 2 weeks have been unbelievably awesome for me and I feel like my head is finally on straight for the first time in my life. I also cherish normalcy and I've felt so normal the past few weeks. Being happy is an addiction. I don't think I've been this happy in so long that I've forgotten what it feels like.

In "Dear Jack" Andrew talks about wanting someone to give him a roadmap on how to fight cancer. It obviously was one of very few weak moments he had when fighting leukemia. I think part of my problem is I've been waiting for someone to hand me a roadmap to life. I don't regret anything I've done, but I think that just living life is the way to go. I think I'm ready for that now.

Ok time to finish Juno and then get some rest so I can hit the books in the morning.

A Million and One Thanks

2009-10-14T23:30:00.005-04:00

Location: My bed
Listening to: "Caves" by Jack's Mannequin

Watching: N/A
Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Part 6 of 6 in week 2 of 11

The point of this blog entry is simply to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who helped me through an extremely difficult part of my life. I want to thank those of you who didn't even know I was sick and made my life worth living. I especially want to thank those of you who knew I was sick and treated me the same as before I was diagnosed and were ultimately my support system when I was.

For those who didn't know when I was 20 I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. When I was 25 and after trying every medication available and visits to the best doctors in the world at Mt. Sinai in Manhattan, we made a decision to surgically remove my colon and make a j-pouch to act as a colon.

For those of you who know me closely I am a big music fan and Something Corporate and Jack's Mannequin are 2 of my favorite bands. I was lucky enough (again through the help of a friend) to be able to meet Andrew McMahon, the front man of both bands, this past Monday. It was nothing more than a meet and greet with 30 or so other fans. He might remember me as Adam's friend, but nothing more than that. When I found out I had the opportunity to meet him I tried to think of what I wanted to say to him. I couldn't be concise and everything I wanted to say would have probably taken 30 minutes to get out so I said simply said nothing worthwhile. For those of you who don't know Andrew's story he beat leukemia.

He's someone I idolize for the way he has handled his situation and the way he lives life. Just being in his presence was awesome. Since I couldn't think of the right words I decided the best thing to do was to help him feel normal so I treated him more like a rockstar than a cancer survivor. Since the day I was diagnosed, the days I cherish the most are the days when I just feel normal for as long as possible.

As soon as I left I knew exactly what I should have said. The next time I get to meet him I simply want to say thank you. "Thank you for being there in my iPod the countless hours I was in a hospital bed or getting a treatment or home recovering."

I remember one day I was in Overlook Hospital's Oncology Department getting a treatment. My dad was with me and these old women who were getting chemo were just so nice to me since they thought I was fighting cancer. Obviously I was new and had my hair so they were giving me blankets and other stuff like magazines and books and it was so nice. Looking back and hearing Andrew talk about his Dear Jack foundation I know appreciate all I've been through and I want to try to pay everything forward. Anyway, I remember I was listening to Something Corporate and ignoring my dad. I find one of the hardest things to deal with is making people sad. When you're alone in a hospital room you miss people and want the people that are important in your life next to you. The difficult thing is having them there and seeing sad looks on their faces. Seeing that look on the faces of my parents or brother or really anyone you care about that hurts more than any pain I've ever felt. Anyway back to the treatment on that particular day with my 3 blankets (even though I didn't want any blankets) and my dad reading one of his books. I remember SoCo was playing in my ears and I wanted to shut out the world so it was just me and Andrew and the Spanish Channel so I could watch a World Cup Soccer Match (it was Argentina and someone else). I remember looking around the room and seeing good in people and realizing that no matter how bad a situation is it's always worse for someone else. Andrew's music is so positive that I have also tried to be as positive as possible although I don't always succeed at that.

Back to the concert, I know he doesn't realize what he did, but he looked at me when he saw I was singing his song "The Resolution" and that meant a lot. It could have totally been in my mind, but he looked at me multiple times during that song. Some of the lyrics of that song are "Yeah I'm alive, but I don't need a witness to know that I survived. I'm not looking for forgiveness. Yeah, I just need the light. I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution."

I've spent the last 2 nights "searching for the resolution" so to speak. I haven't been able to sleep because my mind has just been racing trying to figure this out. I figured it out thanks to youtube. I saw an interview with Andrew where he put it all in perspective for me and justified my thoughts. He was talking about his song "Caves" and he said that having a cancer battle is like a symphony and that's what he was going for with that song. It was being diagnosed, then fighting, and finally reconciling what you've been through. It's so simple, but it was that reconciling process that had me hung up. "It's not about being sick, it's about getting well." I don't think anything says it better than that. "It's still real here on the other side and now we're back to real living and having to reconcile that. It was a hard thing to reconcile, it was a hard thing to reconcile, but I think I'm pretty reconciled about it."

I guess the last piece of this entry is something that I've learned is the best way to make someone feel better is to just act normally. As hard as that is, I can honestly say the best memories in the hospital are when friends come and are just normal and don't ask you what the doctors are doing tomorrow or how the food was. I remember it was the day after my surgery I had 3 really good friends in my room and my parents had left and there was maybe 30 minutes before visiting hours were over and the nurse said hello to them and they could stay for 30 minutes, but she wouldn't tell if they wanted to stay late. Then they got "waxed in" my room. It literally was like being on Scrubs, no one could get in or out of my room for an hour or so until the wax dried. I think that was my favorite night in the hospital.

Finally keep your calendars open on May 23rd. I'll be organizing a team to do a walk on the boardwalk in Belmar. So once I set it up you can join me. It's to benefit the Crohn's and Colitis foundation and if that's not enough the team name is TCFS. Tim's Colitis Fighting Squad will have the coolest team shirts ever.

In short, thanks.

Cluck U

2009-09-19T18:00:00.003-04:00

Location: My room
Listening to: Motion City Soundtrack (iPod Shuffle)
Watching: Rutgers v. FIU, 3-0 RU
Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini
Study Progress: Part 2 of 6 in week 2 of 11

My friend got me into watching boxing. He gets Cluck U and invites me over ... I can't turn down Cluck U. So I have a new found respect for boxers. Some of them are dirt bags, but they are athletes. That having been said ... are you kidding me Mayweather. It drives me crazy when boxers can't make weight. I understand how difficult it is to make weight. Don't misunderstand me, being an elementary school coach it kills me when runners are underweight or overweight and when young kids have to alter normal eating habits to make weight for wrestling. It's ok for boys to do that for wrestling, but then we're supposed to teach the girls that it's bad. Anyway, if I was a boxer and if I knew that there was a $300,000 fine for each pound I was overweight, I'd make weight. Mayweather was 2 pounds over. $600,000!!!!! My brother said yeah, but he'll make millions for this fight. He's absolutely right, but $600,000!!!! My dad did well for himself in life by being an attorney, and we don't live in a house worth anything close to $600,000.

Now I'm getting a little political, so sorry if you don't want to read on. It drives me crazy that rich people are complaining about a tax increase for the rich. I know there are plenty of wealthy people that don't fall into this category, so this next statement is for the jerks that are idiots. How am I supposed to have sympathy for you when I see everyday people doing short sales on their homes if they're lucky to avoid foreclosure and my boss doing 2-3 searches a day on foreclosures. Then remembering people complaining about a tax increase to the rich and also fighting universal health care. You people have money so you'll always have health insurance and another point is you'll also have the best health care. Please don't argue how quality of health care will decrease. You're 100% wrong. I've had health problems and needed to see doctors in NYC and they didn't take health insurance at all. They were the best doctors in the world for what I needed so I paid every penny and went into debt. My point is don't do stuff like AIG spas or bonuses or just take a $600,000 fine because you can't make weight and then turn around and complain about money.

That having been said, I wish I could say Mayweather pissed me off and I want to see him get his face beat in, but he's going to win. He's good and there's a reason he has $600,000 to throw away. Ok so now I should go do some more math before Cluck U. It never gets old.

P.S. This might make sense I'm not really sure it was just a rant and I didn't feel like reading it and making corrections so it was in English.

Dear Jack

2009-09-15T21:54:00.007-04:00

Location: My kitchen

Listening to: Less Than Jake (Pezcore)

Watching: Yanks/Blue Jays (Don't mess with Jorge. Shelly Duncan was a good addition in fight situations)

Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini

Study Progress: Part 2 of 3 in week 1 of 11

I just wanted to make everyone aware of the following DVD. I'd recommend you buy it, but I haven't seen it yet. I'm very excited to see it and I think it's something that everyone should see.

I can't put in words how much Andrew McMahon has done for me. I've only seen him perform once live and have never met him, but he's such an example that I try to follow when living my life. I've learned that no matter what stands in your way you can still accomplish your goals with hard work.

Andrew's the lead singer of Jack's Mannequin and Something Corporate and they made a documentary about the last few years of his life. "The long awaited film, Dear Jack, chronicles Andrew McMahon on a rollercoaster year, through the highs of recording and releasing a solo album (under the name Jack's Mannequin) and the lows of being diagnosed with leukemia and breaking up with the love of his life. "Dear Jack" is a breathtakingly emotional film as well as a testament to family, friends and, perhaps more than anyone will ever know, a love of making music."

You can preorder Dear Jack at the following website:

http://download.wbr.com/jacksmannequin/newsletters/091409.html

Other than that, I don't really have much to say except that I busted my ass last week and over the weekend to get ready for an audit and it went extremely well. So well in fact, my boss proved she knew more than the auditor and almost punched her in the head. She definitely made this woman cry when she left our office. The woman called her an hour later to apologize for being an idiot.

P.S. I'm really starting to focus on math again and my brain finally can read a word problem and get all the information and not get tricked by the problems anymore. I'm a little behind on the studying, but I'll catch up this weekend.

It's called fashion Timothy

2009-09-10T21:21:00.004-04:00

Location: My room (recovering from an experience at the library)

Listening to: Autopilot Off (Make a Sound)

Watching: Pitt/Tenn 0-0 (Pitt just blocked a fg. That'll make Auntie K happy.)

Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini

Study Progress: Part 1 of 3 in week 1 of 11

I didn't get much studying done today because I have awesomely funny friends. So my theory is I'll meet the girl of my dreams in either the library or Barnes and Noble. I also need to study so it's probably just wishful thinking. So 4 girls walked into my public library today. All of them obviously used the same bleach blonde hair dye and they were commenting on how great the others hairs looked. Then I noticed a girl with a boob belt. Apparently I don't understand fashion.

This was the facebook status I posted and the abbreviated conversation that ensued.

Can someone explain to me why girls where belts under their boobs? Is it a tribute to steve urkel? Does it have some sort of function? Did they win some sort of WWE or boxing title? I don't get it.

its called fashion timothy lol - mg

I'm pretty sure that's the wrong answer. Try again. - tc

ok fine ..to make their boobs look bigger? - mg

there is never an answer to why girls dress, behave, and act the way they do - ba

hahahahaha brian that is definitely the right answer. - tc

fashion is pretty much mass amounts of people looking dumb at the same time. the dumb look changes from time to time so these dumb people can buy more stuff and help our economy... I should write a book called The Capitalism of looking Dumb - js

I don't know how the Nobel process works, but I'd vote for you Jake. - js

lmao i regret even involving myself in this conversation - mg (mg's a boob belt enthusiast. In my opinion she'd be a good person to interview for js's book. I don't get how beautiful girls like her don't realize how these boob belts make them look ridiculous.)

Megan I need you to stop this hideous fashion trend. Be a rebel say no to boob belts. -tc

Thanks Tim... what really makes you look dumb is looking dumb in a different way then everyone else. Once everyone else adopts your dumb look, you no longer look dumb.. how weird is that? Then of course you have hipsters which are a different animal all together - js

Your 2nd book in the series ... The Capitalism of Looking Cooler than No One. - tc

To keep this intellectual Urban Dictionary defines Boob Belt as "A belt that a woman wears above her waist and below her breast, which makes her breast more noticeable." This is how they use it in a sentence "-Damn Jenny's boobs look great
-Duh, she's wearing a boob belt" - tc

I am dying because this proves another little known stereotype that Pedone's West Philly class introduced to me. "All white girls is named Jennifer." -tc

hahahaha... good title... Hipster are even weirder... They are trying to look horribly dumb for the sake of coolest out of irony... but there are millions of hipsters who look the same way so in fact, they are failing at this. technically they are looking cool, although they dont want to..,. ok I am done, my brain is starting to hurt... - js

a boob belt?! I've never seen or heard of such a thing. insanity - dg

we need to get you out of the lab dr. gella and into the public library. i'm updating my blog with a photo. - tc (I don't lie)

oh thank god. i want to be able to rock the latest trends in lab and if that means I need a boob belt, well so be it - dg

I appreciate any fashion statement that says, "Hey! These are my boobs! Look at them!" Provided said boobs are ones I would want to look at. -bh

*This post is the first part in a series in which running dorks educate doctors.

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

2009-09-09T21:39:00.004-04:00

Location: My room

Listening to: Jack's Mannequin (The Glass Passenger)

Watching: Yanks/TB (Current Score 2-1 TB, Jeter tied Gehrig)

Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini

Study Progress: Part 1 of 3 in week 1 of 11

I was going to title this Revelation 9, but then I read that the Manson Family claimed the Beatles were telling them that Revolution 9 was a reference to Chapter 9 in the book of Revelation which is about the apocalypse and prophecy.

So Life Goes On is more appropriate for this post and 09.09.09

I originally thought this post would be ripping girls for being dumb and stupid and always putting me in the friend zone. I was going to say how great I am and how if I'm a great friend give me a shot at being more than friends. Also it was going to be about how I'm not being friends with girls because girls like the bad guys that treat them wrong so maybe I should try that.

...then I had a revelation. Whenever I get depressed or think my life sucks I generally try to listen to Jack's Mannequin or Something Corporate because Andrew McMahon beat cancer and is living an awesome life so what am I complaining about. I forgot to do that until a friend of mine asked where she could donate money for a walk I'm helping a friend raise money more. I had forgotten my own cardinal rule of listen to Andrew on my iPod whenever I get depressed. So I put it on Jack's Mannequin and had the following revelation.

If you want good things you have to go out there and get them. In particular I noticed that getting out of the "Friend Zone" is so simple. My dad taught me about zone defense in rec basketball. You have to learn to work with what the defense is giving you and look for weaknesses in the zone so you can get an open shot. I used to look at the "Friend Zone" as more of a place that you got stuck in. Now I look at it that if you're stuck in a place where you don't want to be you have options. Stay and make the best of it, do something to better your situation, or just get up and leave.

Look at me being an optimist.

Format

2009-09-08T19:49:00.000-04:00

When I was sitting in Barnes and Noble people watching I decided to make this blog have some sort of routine. I'm trying to get my life into a routine so I can pass the Financial Mathematics Exam in the Actuarial Series in early December so this makes sense.

Location: Woodbridge Library

Listening to: Rage Against the Machine (Rage Against the Machine)

Watching: Gamecast of Yanks/TB (Current Score 1-0 NYY)

Reading: Eragon by C. Paolini

Study Progress: Part 1 of 3 in week 1 of 11

Your slice of pi: I'm annoyed that I just got a text that Tim Lincecum is out for at least 5 days. That's why I'm taking a study break. I won the regular season and it's the first week of the playoffs and I'm going to lose because Lincecum is down, Jeter went hitless in 2 games yesterday, Aaron Hill had to leave the game early because his wife went into labor, and Ryan Braun is hurt. It's like they say anything can happen in the playoffs.

Also on my mind is camping/hiking/backpacking and how I'm going to save up to buy gear in the spring and a roof rack for my car so I can bring my bike along.

I'm really motivated to study and actually stay on task and sit for this exam in December and start a new career. At the same time I need to start waking up early and getting back into shape.

I'm also thinking about going to the first ever St. Joe's football game on Saturday and see what alumni show up.

I'm going to start reading fun books more at night and watch less TV so I can finish the 3 Paolini books and then move on to the Dan Brown world of Digital Fortess, Deception Point, and The Lost Symbol. (Sidenote: I do like that Barnes and Noble is open on weekends and holidays and has a Starbucks, but the library has free books. Also they don't yell at me for bringing my Nalgene because apparently in their eyes water isn't a necessity to live it's "an outside beverage". I save 10% on their overpriced Fiji water that I know Mr. Fischer would say is not from Fiji because he's tasted water from Fiji.)

Also this is mostly for Leigh. How do I link this to Facebook so it will update Facebook?

Alright back to studying Equivalent Rates of Interest and Present Values.

Runner's Pi

2009-09-02T22:07:00.000-04:00

So I'm new to this whole blogging thing and it took me a long time to come up with the name Runner's Pi. I'm pretty proud of it. That's enough work for tonight.